“Our story is my favorite. You were nothing that I expected,
but everything that I needed.”
Meeting my husband
felt like something straight out of a fairy tale- I was the damsel in distress
and he was my knight in shining armor. Growing up, all my ideals of love and
marriage were based off the “all you need is love” fairytale ideology. I spent so many days, months, and years of
single motherhood just surviving... just trying to make it to the next day. I
would dream about having a nuclear family, having a spouse, and having someone
to help take on the responsibility both physically and financially.
Being married has
been amazing and wonderful. My marriage saved me; it really did. In my vows I
said, “you have given me the family that I so badly wanted. Most importantly,
you have given me my life back.” I’m
very fortunate to have a spouse who will pick up where I left off. He has
allowed me the opportunity to finally focus on my dreams and my career while he
not only supports our family, but also focuses on the house and parental duties
as well.
Ironically, however, I have found myself daydreaming about
my days as a single mom. It was isolating and lonely and often burdensome, but
there was beauty in coming home to a quiet house, not having to share my space;
not having to accommodate others. I didn’t have to compromise; I could make
decisions for my child and myself based on what I wanted and not what another
people wanted. I think back to the days when I naively thought, “all you need
is love” now realizing that, no…all you need is a clean house. All you need is
respect. All you need is trust. All you need is shared responsibilities…all you
need is more than just love. It takes so much more than love to run a
successful household and to maintain a happy marriage.
Marriage is work. More work than I ever thought it could be.
Some days I feel like I’m suffocating from the weight of motherhood and
marriage. I feel like there’s not enough hours in the day to be the perfect
wife, the perfect mom, and the perfect employee and some days I wish I could
just sacrifice being a wife and go back to the days when all I had to worry
about was myself and my child. When your children are little, they depend on
you for so much; motherhood is an unspoken acknowledgment that you are giving
up any semblance of yourself and your life that you once knew to raise this
little human. Responsibilities around the house pile up, the workload piles up,
and your marriage just kind of ends up on the back burner. They say the key to
marriage is a constantly date each other, but who has time and energy for that
I mean, really?!
I wish I hadn’t spent so many years as a single mom wishing
the days away, wishing for better days and waiting for a reprieve from single
motherhood. I wish I had learned to live in the moment a little more and
appreciate the solitude for what it was. I look back on memories like packing
the car and driving to Disney on a whim, just my son and I, or driving up to
Massachusetts every weekend to have sleepovers with my best friend and her son.
These days, even leaving the house for a quick trip to the grocery store
requires planning; how easily I took for granted the ability to lead a nomadic
and carefree lifestyle.
On the days I feel wanderlust, I remind myself that this
life is the life that I used to pray so hard for; I am living my dream. I think
the key to it all is perspective- finding the good in the days of single
motherhood and finding the good in the days of marriage. The grass isn’t always
greener on the other side. It may seem like it when you’re looking from a
distance, but once you get close enough you will find just as many
imperfections as there were on the other side. Love is not all you
need...unconditional love is all you need. It’s about making a conscious effort
to love one another despite the imperfections; to love your life not in spite
of those imperfections, but because of those imperfections.
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